Trixie Tuesday: When You Just Can’t

Somedays, you just CAN’T!

Yesterday, which would have been my Trixie Tuesday, I just couldn’t. Anything.

I canceled my Ukelele lesson, I canceled my appointments, I pulled the blackout curtains back to where they were, I turned the heating blanket back on and I literally crawled back into the covers and stayed there pretty much all day.

I watch the Bachelor Episode I missed.

I watched some other TV on Hulu.

I slept.

I fed the kitten I am pet-sitting and my cats. I tried to play with the kitten and the cats to get some joy in that. Nope. Back to bed, I went.

I don’t talk about my other issues often because I have been facing and dealing with my Cancer so much in the past few years that the other issues kind of got jumbled in all of it.

The issues I am referring to are:

my Bi-polar,

my Aspergers,

and now my Thyroid,

which does not play well with those other ones, by the way.

The Bipolar diagnosis has been up and down. One time they will say I have it and then they say I don’t. Another time they will say I have Cyclothymia, which is similar, but because I am able to get myself out of my depression, this is why they say I don’t have Bipolar.

The Aspergers and Bipolar are not a good combo because being an Aspie is hard enough. I have no filter. I have a lack of boundary understanding. (this is also a bipolar issue) Now add the Thyroid. As of late, they said I have Hypothyroidism/Hashimotos Auto-Immune Disease. That adds a layer of depression.

Then add my pain issues:

I have Degenerative Disk Disease in my neck and lower back.

I am always in pain. Always. I just don’t go around griping about it to everyone. I live at a level 6-8 pain level nearly all the time. I do what I can.

I am human.

I have hard days and I have good days.

I have days that I crash and just can’t. For years I did not speak about these days. Since having cancer twice I feel it is my duty to help others. I have been given the gift of empathy. I know what others are going through because I have been there myself. A LOT in life. I mean…A LOT.

A huge part of helping others is being open and vulnerable.

How many other people are dealing with things like I am and feel like they are alone?

How many others feel like no one understands?

How many others are happy most of the time, but when they are struggling or not happy their friends say “cheer up.” 

We need to be able to have our down days too!

Life cannot be all sunshine and lollipops all the time.

We must know the bitterness to enjoy the sweet.

I am here to tell you…it’s okay!

Some days…you just CAN’T. 

Take the day.

Just don’t take too many days. Make sure you pick yourself back up. Dust yourself back off. Pull up your bootstraps. Ride into the sunset. Tomorrow is a new day.

5D4_2054_pp

XoXo ~Trisha Trixie

Say Your Peace Here

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