Trixie Tuesday: In The Center of The Fire

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have been through many fires. Metaphorical fires, not literal but they were hot still the same. Many men in my life were unable to withstand the flames. Many friends in my life are no longer my friends because my flames were too hot for them and they felt singed by the heat. I find that many times in my life, other humans are not able to withstand the heat and fires of my life.

I used to be told it was me. I was the common denominator so it was my fault. I have learned through the years that some people endure more trauma than others. That is just life. It is not one’s fault. It just is.

As I have dealt with hotter fires in my life, so to speak, fires, like Cancer, twice, side effects of all the chemotherapy I did and now Hashimoto’s, I am finding more and more people who are able to stand near the fire at least.

Some people never have fires they have to put out. I used to be envious of them. Until I realized they were unable to grow. They did not know how to handle struggle when it came along. They had not built a stronger character.

While these things in my life have been excruciatingly hard, they have shaped me, molded me and made me the person I am today.

On my personal blog, I share some frustrations I had with my spouse. We all have them. No marriage is perfect. In meditating and looking over things though I realized something today…

He has stood in the fire and not shrank.

He has sat with me in pain and not tried to fix it.

He has dealt with nothing but putting out fires since we got married.

And he is still here.

It is rare to find a person who can do that.

I am ever thankful for that. Publicly and eternally I wanted to say that.

Even more than that, I want to share with those of you who also have had fires in your life. Maybe you have had your fair share of them. Maybe you have only had a few. Maybe you could write a book about it and no one will believe you. Maybe you have only had one.

Whether your fires have been one or many, I want to assure you something no one told me…

It is NOT your fault.

Just because you are the common denominator does not always mean you are the cause. It does not mean that you are always the reason the fires start. You may be the one always having to put them out and that’s all that others see. You may be the one always in the middle of the fire, but that doesn’t mean you started it.

I want you to know that and I want you to understand I know where you are coming from. I am tired of getting blamed for my fires. I’m sure you are too!

I am not saying there are not people who need to take ownership and if that is you, take ownership already! Fix your life and get your shit together!

However, you could just be the one in the middle and that sucks and I am sorry. I feel for you. I didn’t ask for the trauma in my life at age 8. I didn’t ask for it at age 10. I didn’t ask for it in my teens or in my twenties. I didn’t ask for Cancer either, but I got it. Those fires happened and I had to be strong enough to put them out. Sometimes all on my own with no one there to help me. You might be on your own feeling like you have no one either. It’s okay. It sucks, but you will be okay. You will be stronger for it.

If you are lucky, you will find people who stand next to you while your fire is blazing and rub their hands together and say “Let’s get some marshmallows!” 

You might find people who are willing to help you put your fires out.

You might find people who aren’t afraid to get a little singed with you because they know they will be okay too. They won’t shrink back.

The people who can sit in pain with you and not try to FIX YOU and just love you for who you are, fires and all are the best and they are out there!

If you can’t find them, maybe it is time to become one!

~XoXo Trisha Trixie

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3d2f438237b7d17b220387ae1c2e0610For the full quote from The Invitation:

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

― Oriah Mountain Dreamer, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9557-it-doesn-t-interest-me-what-you-do-for-a-living

Forward Facing Leader or Sugar Coated Life?

Has anyone ever told you they are looking for a “Forward Facing Leader”?

Were you left wondering,

What the heck is that?

Recently I was told I did not have the image of a forward facing leader.

In true Trixie nature, I went out on a hunt to gather more info.

Here is some of what I found:

The Hunt

What single quality differentiates high-potential leaders from ordinary contributors in an organization?

It’s their ability to be forward-looking and focus on the future. To become a better leader or distinguish yourself as someone primed for promotion, you’ll want to develop your capacity to envision the future.

WorkCoach Cafe

“…if they meet with clients or anyone outside the company on a regular basis or are responsible for being the face of the company, as in reception work, then they are in a forward facing or client facing job.”

After reading both of this, I figured out what she meant. She was trying to tell me, I was not representing myself in the best light as the face of the company…in her opinion.

In Her Opinion

are the Key Words here.

While this group organization or perhaps herself, does not feel that I was presenting my best face forward, I tend to disagree not because she is directing it towards me, but because the face of my brand is

REALITY| AUTHENTICITY| HONESTY

I am who I am online, in real life, and in everything I do.

What she felt was not correct was how I presented myself online. However, I was being myself.

The funnier thing is in her email she states that she loves me as a human and thinks I’m fabulous, however, I need to be “different” online. Um….hi did you hear what you just said?

So, you want me to be fake online to “look better” than who I really am?

No thank you.

One thing I pride myself in being REAL to a fault.

I understand that means not everyone will like me in real life or online.

True, real, authenticity to me is being vulnerable enough to really be who you really are. ALWAYS. Not just when it suits you.

I spoke my mind and I ask questions.

I have Aspergers and many times do not understand things. This type of questioning makes other nervous. This type of real speaking up about how I feel about something isn’t always the norm and thus, I get criticized for saying and doing things others would not say. They generally would not say them, because society has told us not to. I laugh in the face of society. They deem people like me, with Aspergers, aka HFA (High Functioning Autism) as

NOT NORMAL

What is normal? Whose to say the way you view forward facing is correct and the way I view it is wrong? Neither is right. Neither is wrong. It is merely an interpretation.

I am Forward Facing.

I know I am my brand.

I know I am the face of my brand and I do all I can to be the best brand image of myself inside and out ALWAYS, by the way.

I do that by being real.

By being who I really am and not sugar coating life.

How do you become future-oriented and still handle day-to-day challenges? (The Hunt)

I will admit, the last couple of year battling Colon Cancer, Fighting it, OVercoming it and trying to get healthy again had their toll on me. It is hard to look forward when you don’t know what forward is and how many years that means. But even still I did my best.

I made 1 year, 3 year and 10-year goals and plans using the Dragontree Planner, not knowing if I would live to accomplish them. I put the pen to paper and wrote it all out. I made vision boards looking and hoping towards the future.

While the ability to focus on the future separates leaders from the rank-and-file, many of us fail to understand and appreciate its importance. We devote almost no time to developing this vital quality, which then becomes a huge barrier to future success. In today’s difficult times, people need to be reminded of why they are doing what they do — and why it matters. 

Both Articles from The Hunt and Work Coach Cafe has some really good material for those in a workforce who are looking to develop this mentality better. I want to focus on people like me who are the face of the company or trying to be.

Mainly #2 from Entrepreneur.com

2. Publish content — as yourself.

Next, start publishing content regularly, under your own name — not your brand’s.  Reveal bits of your personality throughout your writing process, so people get to know you through your material.

It does not say be fake online and a different person in real life. It says Be Yourself.

Again, not everyone is going to agree and not everyone will like the style or method or way you speak, talk, or post. It also does not say sugar coat who you are or who your brand is. Being you is the best you that you can be. I am the best me I can be and sadly, if that means a group won’t like my posts or like me, then so be it. As one of the articles stated…

Why would you want to be around people that uptight anyway?

I fully concur.

Lastly,

I want to leave with you one little tidbit from Chron

Develop a Thick Skin

When you put yourself out there, you should expect to receive negative comments and reactions to everything from your hairstyle to your message. As the face of the company, you must maintain a professional image at all times and learn how to respond appropriately to criticism. A sense of humor helps in many situations, especially when the rebukes take place in a public forum. Maintain your composure and develop a routine for handling negative remarks. Take a deep breath, count to 10 or think about the money you’re earning from the publicity before responding in print, online or in person to the digs and jabs you can expect as the face of your company.

I said “Thank you” to the leader who said this to me. I also removed myself from her group and took a step back to evaluate what she said. This happened about a week or so ago and I didn’t want to react in haste or hurt.

My way of moving on was to write this blog. I did not name names, nor will I. She knows who she is and maybe one day will read this, maybe not. Not my problem or concern.

I wrote this blog to alert others of this mentality and mostly to be aware of it.

You may take to it differently than I did and that is totally fine. You are allowed. I encourage you to because I know then that you are thinking for yourself.

We have enough sheep in this world, we don’t’ need more.

We also have way too much sugar in America and maybe one huge lesson I learned from France was a little less sugar and a little more reality could do us some good here in America.

~Trisha Trixie

Links in this article and excerpts from:

http://www.huntsearch.com/viewdetails.asp?id=1101

http://workcoachcafe.com/career-dictionary-definitions/what-is-forward-facing-or-client-facing-work/

https://smallbusiness.chron.com/face-company-45488.html

http://dreambook.vision/?aff=180

https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/254048

The $1000 Club and Why I Say “No Thanks”

 

invest-with-1000-dollarsEverywhere I turn there are all these great conferences, coaches, courses and such but every single one of them is over $1000! I find this fee to be absurd! What if feels like to me is other people trying to steal my hard earned $$ for their own benefit. This is NOT the way I want to work this year. I want to offer up my services organically for those who need it but maybe can’t afford those $1000 programs. I know I can’t. How’s a gal supposed to get along in life and biz if I am always having to shell out $1000?

I go to a network function and the opt-in at the end for a gal, just like me, for her course, is, yep, you guessed it $1000 or more.

I go to a start up week event and the opt-in for the next level of the event is yep, $1000

I find this to be absurd!

They get with “get rich quick” schemes and “follow THIS PLAN” and “you too could be this rich” and yet people fall for it. How do I know people fall for it? I see my friends shelling out dollars after dollars, all the while they are struggling to pay for kids schools and meals and take care of car rides and baby sitting and wondering why none of their friends want to help them watch their kids. How can they not see that the only ones who are making the money are the ones at the top who have already been doing this for years?

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying there is nothing to be learned by these people who have had success. There is. However. Buy their book. Watch their podcast. Keep your butt at home where you can afford it. There is so much to be learned online. In books. On You Tube. Via Skype. And so on. I just do not understand why people need to spend money on airline tickets, hotels, conferences, and such. It all just seems like brainwashing to me.

The “Thousandeers” as I like to call them, the ones telling you to give them $1000 or more have figured out…”Hey, if I get 200 people to give me $1000 Ill make $200,000 without batting an eye. I don’t have to work as hard and all I have to do is act like I know what I am talking about. I could sell ice cream to an Eskimo, so that should be easy!”

See, they are good at selling.

You, are good at listening.

They are good at persuasion.

You are good at opening your wallet.

You want what they’ve got.

you think by giving them your money you will get what they’ve got.

However, just by giving them you’re money, you fail to realize, you don’t have their life, their bills (or lack therof) their accountant, their lifestyle, and so on.

I am in no way trying to be a downer. I am not trying to be negative, although I am sure to them I am being just that.

I want to EDUCATE you.

You DO NOT NEED TO GIVE THEM $1000 or more.

You do not NEED what they have.

What I am trying to say is the same thing as what Glinda the good witch told Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz….

“you had the power all along my dear…”

YOU already have the answer you need inside you.

You don’t need someone to tell you how to have a great relationship.

You don’t need someone to tell you how to manage your money.

You don’t need someone to tell you how to do anything.

glindasez2

Guidance.

Now, THAT, you may need.

There are plenty of people, honest, good people who won’t take you for all you’ve got to help you do that. I know them. I am friends with them. They are in Chambers of commerce most likely in your area. Local folks. Mom and pop chops. A computer repair guy down the street who can fix that computer. An accountant friend who can help you manage your money and pay yourself in your own business. A healer, who can do amazing sound healing on you. An intuitive counselor, who can help you heal your broken heart.

Please consider this. Stop making the wealthy more wealthy. Help the locals support the locals.

Use sites like http://www.nextdoor.com and http://www.thumbtack.com and look around your neighborhood to find your needs. Talk to friends and family. look online. Ask GOOGLE or other sites for answers. If you are a business, talk to Chamber of Commerce or Network groups. and when you hear those crazy $1000 or more Opt-ins. Get up walk in or turn your paper over. Say no thanks.

Save your dollars and cents…common sense…

not only will it save the cents in your pocket…but it will save the sense in your soul as well.

Xoxo,

Trisha Trixie

Greetings from TrishaTrixieLand by Imagitography

5 Steps to Regaining your POWER by Saying NO: Guest Author Nancy Gaines

Want to be Even More Productive? Start by Saying No!

Power of Saying No

Ever feel forced to say Yes to a friend or boss but later feel stressed out and full of regret? Do you say Yes to be nice, help out, or just be a good team player even though your plate is full (or you simply don’t want to do something)? There’s an easy solution to saying No and regaining your POWER. Use these five simple steps to saying no without feeling guilty.

  1. Plan Ahead (P) – anticipate who is going to make a request and prepare your answer ahead of time so you are not caught off guard (and end up saying Yes by default). The request might be watching someone’s pet, preparing a report at the last minute, or accepting a party invitation where you don’t really enjoy the other attendees. When you are prepared for the request, it gives you confidence to say No so you don’t waffle with a loss of words and get talked into something you just don’t want to do.

  1. Offer Alternate Solutions (O) – while not required, it is helpful to offer another choice when you can’t help someone. Simply saying you aren’t available but sharing 1-2 names of other people who may be makes you look helpful and considerate. It also may help squash any guilt you may feel by not saying Yes.Alternatives

 

  1. Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty (W) – we are each responsible for our own time and happiness. When we let other people drive our decisions, it fuels regret and unhappiness which is not productive. No good comes from giving up our power to other people and it can even lead to illness. You have every right to say Yes or No to any request – it’s totally your decision.

No Guilt

  1. Explanation Not Needed (E) – while we often feel we need to explain why we say No, it’s really not required. Often we give an explanation so we don’t feel bad or we want the other person to accept our reasoning. If you just say No without the excuse or justification, it can even make the other person even more curious about why you said No. While that make feel awkward at first, it will pass with time. Just say No and stop talking.

No Explanation

Rehearse No with Little Things (R) – if you say Yes more often than you want, it may take some time to get used to saying No before it feels natural. To get practice, start by saying No to little things. When someone offers you a stick of gum or a mint, say No. When the waiter tries to refill your water, say No. When co-workers suggest a restaurant for lunch that you really don’t enjoy, say No. After a while, saying No will feel more natural.

The POWER system provides simple, but effective techniques to increase your productivity. Many people associate productivity with time management – but it’s so much more. It’s doing the right things with your organization, resources, and mindset to get where you want to go even faster. If you loved these 5 tips, I invite you to visit my blog and podcasts to learn even more productivity ideas to rock your life and business.

________________________________________

Nancy8214-4x6-web

Nancy Gaines is the CEO and Founder of Gain Advantages, Inc., a company which serves individuals and corporations to accelerate impact and performance. This is accomplished through solutions, education, and knowledge-based proven systems that enable high achievement and results.

In addition to speaker, training, and consulting, she has created three successful companies of her own and spent almost two decades consulting to Fortune 500 companies like Shell Oil, Clorox, Office Max, and IBM. Nancy has shared the stage with Greg Reid, David Corbin, Karen Leland, and Blair Singer. She is a best-selling author who was recently featured in All You Magazine, Trulia, Roomi, and CafeMom.com.

If you have a situation with your business where you want to do something differently, how long do you want it to take? Do you want change over 6 months, a year, a month? Nancy and her team work with people who are stuck in their business and they don’t have the time or patience to let things unfold with a traditional business coach. Most business owners want change right now. Try SPEED CONSULTING and accelerate your business in 1 Day. Get started now at www.NancyGaines.com or call 800-360-8694.

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Thank you to Nancy Gaines for sharing with us her knowledge. I have been wanting to someone to write this style post for some times now. If you are interested in being a Guest Blogger on my site, please email me your topic (or the completed article 250 words or more, 3-5 images and a bio) I look forward to hearing from you.

Xoxo,

Trisha Trixie

Beliefs

What Being Real Really Means: 10 Steps to Reality

I had a friend tell me today that I am more real in Colorado. As a person who always talks about being real and authentic I had to really think about it. I did admit that when I lived in Iowa, I didn’t feel I could be 100% me. In all honesty, I don’t think anyone is 100% real. Present company included. I will say that in Iowa I was a diluted version of myself…ostentatious enough to get noticed…learned through the years what not to say

What being real means to me:

  • Be Transparent: Being real means being transparent. People are human. Peaople are real. Things happen. Hiding the truth of what is going on in your life or business doesn’t help you it hurts you.
  • Be Extraordinary: Normal  is a setting on a washing machine. Stop trying to be like everyone else and just be yourself. I know, it’s scary as hell. I actually used to be an introvert. Yes, me…shy!! Do you know it is so hard to believe? Because I stopped worrying about others and little by little let myself show!
  • Live your Passion: I hear all day, all the time “I hate my job. I wish I could quit. I wish I could what I love.” You can. Even if you have to do it part time at first, start doing it. I am more of a risk taker, though I know not everyone does or can think that way. Live you passion and your passion will love you.
  • Doing What You Love : What can you do for clients in person? What can you offer online? What can you offer to those who are remote? People often laugh because they say I always have my hand in multiple things. Well, at least one of them isnt trouble. I have my fashion business which feeds my right brain and lets out my fashion needs. I have my mindfulness business, which allows me to help others design the life they desire with tools from the Law of Attraction. I have my modeling business, which is more of a hobby but sometimes I get paid for it. As well as other various things I make and sell or do. Regardless, I always have multiple ways to bring in money, no matter what the time of year or market is.
  • Ask for help: Did you know that every time you fail to ask others for help you are denying the opportunity to serve? Stop being so prideful that you don’t ask. Get over yourself. Find someone, at least one person, you feel you would be ok asking. Then ask others.
  • Be organic:  Be you. Truly You. Not the glossed over, pesticide protected versions of yourself. Being organic means taking the time to do things, yourself. Though I use automation in a lot of what I do, I still devote a portion of my night and morning to posting on Twitter, GPlus, and other social media sites. Not to mention the blogs I write on. I write. Not a bot or a tool, but me. I love to write and blogging has been a fabulous outlet for me, as well as my businesses.
  • Choose to be you:  Who are you? Are you a rockstar? Are you a geek? Are you a comic nerd? Are you an artist? Are you all of them? Share who you are and I promise you, others like you will start flocking in your direction!
  • Give back:  How do you help another? What do you do to give back? To your community? School? Kids? Parents? Yourself? If all you are doing is work, work, work or play, play, play neither bodes well with  universe. To have more, you need to be grateful for what you have. To have others give to you, you need to give somewhere too. For me, the homeless touches my heart because I was homeless. Lived in my car, peed in a supermarket restroom, bathed out of a sink, kind of homeless. We lost our job and my food storage lasted awhile but eventually it gave out too. I have other area I give back as well, but all of them mean something to me. In addition to good feelings, you are helping another by your acts of service.
  • Be beautiful on the inside and outside:  There is nothing more ugly than a beautiful person, who is ugly on the inside. Nourish your soul. Be kind. Treat other fairly. Turn the other cheek. Love equally. Be tenderhearted. Think of other feelings. Read, learn, grow and do anything that will nourish your soul to be lovely.
  • Be grateful:  You never get more of what you want if you aren’t grateful for what you have. Have a gratitude practice, no matter what form-online, in a book, in a journal, outloud, whatever! Be thankful!

These of course, are all my opinions, my thoughts on the subject. I am sure will find many others in many other places. I leave you with my favorite thought from the Velveteen Rabbit:

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that 
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to 
play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked,or bit by bit?' 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. 

It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who 
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. 
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. 
But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't 
be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

REAL