Trixie Tuesday: In The Center of The Fire

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have been through many fires. Metaphorical fires, not literal but they were hot still the same. Many men in my life were unable to withstand the flames. Many friends in my life are no longer my friends because my flames were too hot for them and they felt singed by the heat. I find that many times in my life, other humans are not able to withstand the heat and fires of my life.

I used to be told it was me. I was the common denominator so it was my fault. I have learned through the years that some people endure more trauma than others. That is just life. It is not one’s fault. It just is.

As I have dealt with hotter fires in my life, so to speak, fires, like Cancer, twice, side effects of all the chemotherapy I did and now Hashimoto’s, I am finding more and more people who are able to stand near the fire at least.

Some people never have fires they have to put out. I used to be envious of them. Until I realized they were unable to grow. They did not know how to handle struggle when it came along. They had not built a stronger character.

While these things in my life have been excruciatingly hard, they have shaped me, molded me and made me the person I am today.

On my personal blog, I share some frustrations I had with my spouse. We all have them. No marriage is perfect. In meditating and looking over things though I realized something today…

He has stood in the fire and not shrank.

He has sat with me in pain and not tried to fix it.

He has dealt with nothing but putting out fires since we got married.

And he is still here.

It is rare to find a person who can do that.

I am ever thankful for that. Publicly and eternally I wanted to say that.

Even more than that, I want to share with those of you who also have had fires in your life. Maybe you have had your fair share of them. Maybe you have only had a few. Maybe you could write a book about it and no one will believe you. Maybe you have only had one.

Whether your fires have been one or many, I want to assure you something no one told me…

It is NOT your fault.

Just because you are the common denominator does not always mean you are the cause. It does not mean that you are always the reason the fires start. You may be the one always having to put them out and that’s all that others see. You may be the one always in the middle of the fire, but that doesn’t mean you started it.

I want you to know that and I want you to understand I know where you are coming from. I am tired of getting blamed for my fires. I’m sure you are too!

I am not saying there are not people who need to take ownership and if that is you, take ownership already! Fix your life and get your shit together!

However, you could just be the one in the middle and that sucks and I am sorry. I feel for you. I didn’t ask for the trauma in my life at age 8. I didn’t ask for it at age 10. I didn’t ask for it in my teens or in my twenties. I didn’t ask for Cancer either, but I got it. Those fires happened and I had to be strong enough to put them out. Sometimes all on my own with no one there to help me. You might be on your own feeling like you have no one either. It’s okay. It sucks, but you will be okay. You will be stronger for it.

If you are lucky, you will find people who stand next to you while your fire is blazing and rub their hands together and say “Let’s get some marshmallows!” 

You might find people who are willing to help you put your fires out.

You might find people who aren’t afraid to get a little singed with you because they know they will be okay too. They won’t shrink back.

The people who can sit in pain with you and not try to FIX YOU and just love you for who you are, fires and all are the best and they are out there!

If you can’t find them, maybe it is time to become one!

~XoXo Trisha Trixie

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3d2f438237b7d17b220387ae1c2e0610For the full quote from The Invitation:

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

― Oriah Mountain Dreamer, https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9557-it-doesn-t-interest-me-what-you-do-for-a-living

What Being Real Really Means: 10 Steps to Reality

I had a friend tell me today that I am more real in Colorado. As a person who always talks about being real and authentic I had to really think about it. I did admit that when I lived in Iowa, I didn’t feel I could be 100% me. In all honesty, I don’t think anyone is 100% real. Present company included. I will say that in Iowa I was a diluted version of myself…ostentatious enough to get noticed…learned through the years what not to say

What being real means to me:

  • Be Transparent: Being real means being transparent. People are human. Peaople are real. Things happen. Hiding the truth of what is going on in your life or business doesn’t help you it hurts you.
  • Be Extraordinary: Normal  is a setting on a washing machine. Stop trying to be like everyone else and just be yourself. I know, it’s scary as hell. I actually used to be an introvert. Yes, me…shy!! Do you know it is so hard to believe? Because I stopped worrying about others and little by little let myself show!
  • Live your Passion: I hear all day, all the time “I hate my job. I wish I could quit. I wish I could what I love.” You can. Even if you have to do it part time at first, start doing it. I am more of a risk taker, though I know not everyone does or can think that way. Live you passion and your passion will love you.
  • Doing What You Love : What can you do for clients in person? What can you offer online? What can you offer to those who are remote? People often laugh because they say I always have my hand in multiple things. Well, at least one of them isnt trouble. I have my fashion business which feeds my right brain and lets out my fashion needs. I have my mindfulness business, which allows me to help others design the life they desire with tools from the Law of Attraction. I have my modeling business, which is more of a hobby but sometimes I get paid for it. As well as other various things I make and sell or do. Regardless, I always have multiple ways to bring in money, no matter what the time of year or market is.
  • Ask for help: Did you know that every time you fail to ask others for help you are denying the opportunity to serve? Stop being so prideful that you don’t ask. Get over yourself. Find someone, at least one person, you feel you would be ok asking. Then ask others.
  • Be organic:  Be you. Truly You. Not the glossed over, pesticide protected versions of yourself. Being organic means taking the time to do things, yourself. Though I use automation in a lot of what I do, I still devote a portion of my night and morning to posting on Twitter, GPlus, and other social media sites. Not to mention the blogs I write on. I write. Not a bot or a tool, but me. I love to write and blogging has been a fabulous outlet for me, as well as my businesses.
  • Choose to be you:  Who are you? Are you a rockstar? Are you a geek? Are you a comic nerd? Are you an artist? Are you all of them? Share who you are and I promise you, others like you will start flocking in your direction!
  • Give back:  How do you help another? What do you do to give back? To your community? School? Kids? Parents? Yourself? If all you are doing is work, work, work or play, play, play neither bodes well with  universe. To have more, you need to be grateful for what you have. To have others give to you, you need to give somewhere too. For me, the homeless touches my heart because I was homeless. Lived in my car, peed in a supermarket restroom, bathed out of a sink, kind of homeless. We lost our job and my food storage lasted awhile but eventually it gave out too. I have other area I give back as well, but all of them mean something to me. In addition to good feelings, you are helping another by your acts of service.
  • Be beautiful on the inside and outside:  There is nothing more ugly than a beautiful person, who is ugly on the inside. Nourish your soul. Be kind. Treat other fairly. Turn the other cheek. Love equally. Be tenderhearted. Think of other feelings. Read, learn, grow and do anything that will nourish your soul to be lovely.
  • Be grateful:  You never get more of what you want if you aren’t grateful for what you have. Have a gratitude practice, no matter what form-online, in a book, in a journal, outloud, whatever! Be thankful!

These of course, are all my opinions, my thoughts on the subject. I am sure will find many others in many other places. I leave you with my favorite thought from the Velveteen Rabbit:

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that 
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to 
play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked,or bit by bit?' 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. 

It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who 
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. 
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. 
But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't 
be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

REAL