5 Steps to Overcoming Co-Dependency & Stop Living Your Life in Bondage

 

“Codependents are ‘addicted,’ not to a destructive substance, but to a destructive pattern of relating to other people.”

Far too often I meet, see and find people who are living their life win bondage without even knowing it. They are oblivious to the negativity they encounter everyday. They always think everything is their fault. They wonder why drama and chaos keeps happening around them. I resonate with them so well, because until 2011, that was my life. I was always concerned with making others happy. I didn’t understand why negative things kept happening to me and around me. Others would say it was my fault and I never thought to challenge them.

Until one day, I did.

From that moment forward my life changed. My mission in my business is to truly help others to overcome. Overcome the heartaches. Overcome loss. Overcome negative self talk.

Today I want to talk to you about Co-Dependency. If you are unsure if you are a Co-Dependent, scroll down towards the bottom of this post and check off the answers on the poll that resonate with you or you feel are like you.

If you already KNOW you are co-dependent, read on…

Take the test below if you want to see if you or someone you know is codependent

  1. Do an “Ideal Relationship Exercise”.  Take out two sheets of paper. Meditate, pray or sit quietly and really think about what your perfect or ideal relationship would be. One the first sheet, write down all the things that you want out of a perfect relationship. Or ask yourself “If I could have the relationship I really wanted, what would it be like, look like, etc?”  Then write down what you think of. Don’t stop at 10 or 20 or 100, just make a list and type or write it down. Now, when you have exhausted all the things you want out of a perfect relationship, write down what your current relationship looks like. Write down all the positive and the negative. Now, look at the current list. What are the negative things? Do they outweigh the bad? Are they deal breakers on their own? If not or you aren’t sure, take your list and put it next to the Ideal list. Do they match up? If not, or if the cons of your current relationship outweigh the bad, you may need to end it.
  2. Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your self-worth. You don’t need to prove anything to another person about your worth. You are who you are. Those who really love you will love you for who you are and not try to mold you or change you.
  3. Notice your negative self-judgments. Be kind and compassionate toward yourself. What negative self talk are you telling yourself? Recognize these thoughts and shoo them away by acknowledging that they are untruths. Write down, tell yourself, whatever you need to solidify the real you. Who are you? What do you deserve? What talents do you have? What traits do you have? If you are one who always comes back to a compliment with a negative comment, stop that bad habit now. What kind things are people always saying about you? Take compliments well and say thank you.
  4. Tell yourself on a regular basis that it’s ok to ask and accept help from others. Allowing others to help you is a sign of strength not weakness. Ask your friends if you need help with something. Reach out to someone or a therapist who can help you through this process. Search online for resources and tools that might help you.
  5. You deserve a loving, mature, honest and real relationship. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. You know what you are willing to accept. You already know the answer (which is why you might be on my blog, hint hint) to the questions that you seek. The answer is directly in front of you.

Answer these questions on Co-Dependency. (You may or may not have all of these. Go thru the list and see how many you have.)

**If you checked more than 5, the answer is yes. If you checked ALL of them, I would suggest finding a therapist in your area and finding a resource who can truly help you deal with these issues. If you are a resourceful, self driven person, and don’t need a therapist or are not a fan of therapy, consider and Intuitive Counselor or other similar resources. There are also many resources and help aids online. Google “Co-Dependency” for ideas, courses, etc.**

XoXo,

Trisha Trixie

Posterchild Trisha Trixie is a Life Designer (Life coach) helping 
others to Design the Life they Desire by overcoming the issues standing in their way. Though acknowledgement and acceptance, she harness the Law of Attraction Principle help others manifest the miracles they desire in their lives. She currently lives in Centennial, Co with her 
newlywed Spouse(HunEPants) and her three cats, Mr. Booties, My. Dude and Miss Ivy.

 

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Group it Up: Facebook Groups

As a part of so many variety of ways I market myself, seek out vendors for my shows and advertise, I have had a number of people ask me for the information. This list is constantly growing and changing so in the future I will try to keep it up to date for you all but for now, I thought some of you might be interested in a sample in where I look for Vendor Shows to have a booth at, where I post about my upcoming shows and other Groups I am a part of for connections.

As a hint, if you keep in mind to search for the types of things you are selling or looking for, then you will get a great idea of groups to join and be a part of. These are only FB Groups today. I will share my Linked In and other groups I am a part of on another post.

Name of FB Page to share Event info Link for Fb Page
Vendor Shows For Consultants/Crafters/Vendors https://www.facebook.com/groups/569133136442864/
Mavens, Models , Moguls & More https://www.facebook.com/groups/348665345254715/
Vendor Shows for Iowa only https://www.facebook.com/groups/195528333913230/
Central Iowa Vendors https://www.facebook.com/groups/centraliowavendors/
Upcoming Gigs Shows https://www.facebook.com/groups/INTHEMOMENTENT/
The Referral Marketing Network https://www.facebook.com/groups/152891614779060/
Unprofessional Development https://www.facebook.com/groups/539930606070641/
DM Art Share https://www.facebook.com/groups/534760349897112/
Made by Hand Crafters https://www.facebook.com/groups/345351428815950/
Anime I Con https://www.facebook.com/groups/4120657746/
Iowa Music United https://www.facebook.com/groups/IOWAMUSICUNITED/
Handmade DSM https://www.facebook.com/groups/252601434868319/
DM Buy Sell Trade https://www.facebook.com/groups/278189078894997/
Craft/Vendor/Bridal Shows in the Midwest https://www.facebook.com/groups/201441339954362/
IA Vendors and Crafters Listing https://www.facebook.com/groups/150075625175063/?ref=notif&notif_t=group_added_to_group
Norwalk Buy/Sell/Trade Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/238394842919236/
Iowa Home Based Business Consultants Directory https://www.facebook.com/groups/218722131530674/
Illinois-Iowa-Missouri Direct Sales Opportunities https://www.facebook.com/groups/170439629760584/
Direct Sales https://www.facebook.com/groups/EliteDirectSales/
Direct Sales (DSNF) Promoting, Networking, Recruiting and Sharing https://www.facebook.com/groups/EliteDirectSales/
Promoting Direct Sales https://www.facebook.com/pages/Promoting-Direct-Sales/406299739489263
Des Moines Art Share https://www.facebook.com/groups/534760349897112/
I’m a VENDOR, I need a EVENT
Greater Des Moines Buy/Sell Trade Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/278189078894997/?ref=br_tf
Des Moines Ia Classifieds https://www.facebook.com/groups/northsidedsmclassifieds/
Strictly vendor events no advertising- Iowa https://www.facebook.com/groups/390955900993384/
Des Moines Business Mixer https://www.facebook.com/groups/tuesdaybusinessmixer/?ref=br_tf
Home Consultants & Small businesses of Iowa20+ https://www.facebook.com/groups/113079998782805/
DSM mom blog https://www.facebook.com/DesMoinesMomsBlog

Of course, as I said, these are jsut a few of the groups. Go into the Facebook Search area and Search

 

Vendor

Craft

Handmade

Direct Sales

MLM

Shows

(Then also look for groups with your local name in int)

De sMoines, Norwalk, etc..

 

Hoe these ideas help ya out!

If you have anything to add, let me know. I love to hear back from ya!

Until Next Time,

XOXO Trisha Trixie

Venues

Working with venues I have found to be of a challenging nature already. I am learning hard and fast lessons about it that I just had to share with you.

Every venue has their cost and I am learning that you get what you pay for.

Here are the first set of basics I think you have to ask yourself:

  • Understand first of all why you are doing this. Why are you planning your event? Why are going to go through all of this? If you understand that then it will make all the chaos afterward worth it. Fund raiser? Raise awareness? Bring talent together?
  • Who is going to come to these events? Who are the attendees?
  • Budget of the event? What are you willing to spend?
  • What are you trying to earn?
  • How to make the event different, Unique, not like all the rest, not like the others, not like the rest of your competition or the rest of the town
  • Who is going to be doing what? Are you doing it all? Are you going to have help? Are you delegating to others? Are you hiring out?
  • How are you going to promote it?

To me, these are my Make Sures: You know…make sure you….and other info…

  • Make sure you know what is included in the cost when looking for venues
  • Make sure you know if they are going to let you set up the night before
  • Make sure you know if even if you do get to set up the night before if your set up will be secure the night before as mine was ravaged and I had re set it back up anyway
  • Make sure electrical is covered in the cost and if not what is the cost per each vendor use
  • Check other events in the area to make sure you are not competing with other markets such as yours. This can be daunting since you could check and then right before your event someone could plan something you have no control over.
  • Make sure you do lots of advertising and marketing to promote for your event
  • Make sure to post lots of signs as the establishment may not have good sign age (as my establishment did not)
  • Make sure to set your pricing for the vendors so that you do more than break even. Divide the cost of the event venue by the cost of the table fee you are planning on charging. Then double that fee for cost or double that by tables. If you don’t you will do a lot of work for nothing.
  • Make sure to plan to have food at your event. Either have food vendors or have concessions. Some venues have concessions that you can have at the events but if they don’t have such things look for vendors who sell food.
  • If you are not planning food like this perhaps plan on having a few people bring some pot luck items in the kitchen so people are able to eat.
  • Make sure to check the wifi status of the venue when you get there to scope it out. Make sure you have it. Check the strength, etc. Nowadays with everyone having swipes and squares without WIFI having these shows is useless.
  • Make sure to Plan out a map of your event of where each vendor is located. This helps you as well as guests know where to place people. However, for me I had people all placed and then people canceled. Then people wanted to move and I neglected to check who they wanted to move across from and found as I was walking by that they were across from their competitors. Not good.
  • Make sure to Remember you can only do the best you can. Don’t beat yourself up.
  • Consider a theme and decorations. This will help bring everything together but it is not mandatory.
  • Plan your event a month at least ahead of time.
  • Go see the venue and check everything out.
  • Measure the spaces fit the venue.
  • Make sure there is enough tables, electrical outlets etc if that is needed. I made the mistake of taking the venues word for it only to find out two days ahead that there were not and then we were scrambling.
  • As well, the event venue thought I would show up on day of to do everything and if I had we would NOT have had enough tables or outlets as they had ripped all the outlets out.
  • Try to have fun raffles. Ask vendors to donate items to the raffle but make sure they understand it is Not mandatory. It cost each vendor to do these things so it is up to them. However it helps market their brand so it benefits them in the long run.
  • Have entertainment or something fun going on. This makes it more fun for the vendors and the attendees.
  • Try Not to plan everything yourself. Sure sage words if yo can do that. However, I am one business and one person. I would love to have help and ask many people with no response. I get annoyed and irritated if I keep asking and no one is willing to help. If you can get help, that is great. If you want to plan it yourself, if you think you can do it yourself go ahead. But be-warned, it is a LOT of work. At some point you WILL need help. In the end, I had helpers with the raffles, tables, chairs, set up and take down and a few various things here and there. For the future I am trying to offer rewards to those who bring in sales for future events.
  • Don’t assume your guests will enjoy the event and just love how you did everything. On the flip side actually. I figured the vendors hated how I arranged it, I figured the guests didn’t arrive because I did something wrong. I figured all the opposite. But then I told myself, I did my best because I did. In the end, that is all you can do.

for tools…

I found Google Docs and Google Drive and Google Forms to be the best tools to use.

I used and created a Google Form for everyone to fill out. I asked all the questions I needed and used this as my interest form AND contract. At the end they need to sign and Date it. Once they have done that it goes into a Google Database that is connected to my gmail. I set a notification that alerted me when anything was changed or updated so I could stay on top of it. This is also how I made sure I did not duplicate vendors. This went to Google Drive and saved it into a Google Spreadsheet. I created extra tabs for the three events I am hosting. I copied the information into those sheets so I knew who would be at each even and who needed tables, electrical, and who had an had not paid. I also kept track of who I had contacted, how many times and when I had given them a final warning. I highlighted their name in green and marked PAID when paid. I marked in RED once I had given final warning after three times and had not heard.

After I get their info I email them with info to my Square account info for a payment I created. They can pay me via Square and it is all secure. It send them a confirmation and then I also see it and sent them a separate confirmation. This is how I keep track.

In the Google Spreadsheet I also have separate tabs of Vendors, Venues, Performers, FB Groups I promote to, Other Places I promote to, and other leads. I can also share this with my team to help me keep track of everything.

In the end, no matter what you do, you can’t make people show up. You can be the best at advertising, marketing, and make sure everything is perfect and then the weather craps out on you and no one wants to go out or the weather is great and no one wants to shop. Either way it is up to the people. They are either going to come to your event or their not.

Do your best. Use what works for you. Enjoy it. If you hate it, I would say Event Planning is not for you. It can be stressful.It can be a delight. It can also make you want to never do it again.

My fiancée’ made me laugh this morning when he said, “Handling vendors for events is like handling kids. They either are happy or their not. You can’t please them all. You just have to do your best and someone is always going to yell that someone is touching them!” LOL

Relative Fashion Terminology

I have learned while being a business owner that there are relative terms that do not necessary mean the same thing to all.I do not mean your relatives.. Sometimes those are bad enough but what I am talking about here are those words that mean one thing to you and can have a WHOLE other meaning to someone else. Watch out! Here is a little more definition on what I am talking about…

A relative word is a word that does not have an exact definition, and can change depending on the context and is very subjective

This list will grow and grow as I go along so I know this post will row and change and I might start making a page of these as a joke, but here are a just a few issues I have had with :

  • ALL: When someone tells you they are going to give you ALL of something you need, make sure you know what their definition of all is and what is yours
  • Help: When someone says they will HELP you make sure you know in what form and what style and how much of their time. Be very clear on expectations for both of you or one of you (I mean you) will be very disappointed. (also goes with volunteer)
  • Carry your line: When someone says they want to carry your line, make sure you know completely what that means to them. One piece? The whole line? One portion of that line?
  • Read :When someone tells you they have read the rules, instructions or directions for something, make sure they truly have because “read” can mean skim, glance, read enough to take a test on it, etc, it does NOT necessarily mean they truly read it
  • Late: Late to you could mean 5 minutes. Late to them means the end of your event
  • Consignment: Consignment can mean 60/40 60 to you 4 to them or 60 to them 40 to you. It can mean 70/30 either way. It can mean you have a side of the boutique or a side of the wall. Make sure you really know the details and get it all in writing
  • Trust: There is no trust. Get that in your head now. The person who is your best friend will and could steal your idea, forget to pay you, not think they should pay you and so on. I am not trying to be cynical, but real.
  • Guarantee: I have heard models tell me the “guarantee” they will be there for a fashion show. Photographers “guarantee” their images, their time, etc. I am learning this means nothing. There is no Guarantee. I have now lumped this into the same as Trust. You can’t trust anyone and there are no guarantees in fashion
  • Wholesale: Lots of stores want wholesale pricing. This has a been a hard lesson for me to learn. I of course feel like I would love to get my items out there in the stores, but learning pricing can be difficult. Some stores mean they want 50% off your MSRP and some stores are willing to go with 25% discount. Make sure you know up front what you are willing to sell your items are wholesale too and keep with that. Store owners do talk to each other and if you give one percentage to one and then change it to another be ready for drama.
  • MSRP: Manufactured Suggested Retail Price. There has been a controversy on what that actually means. Make sure you are clear on this and then when you are marking things down, you are getting your value and profit back
  • Tradeshows: I call everything I do as a show a Tradeshows. To some people a Tradeshow is only a huge big event with high priced tables. Craft shows, trade fairs, hobby shows, and art shows all have many different labels. I am very concerned with changing up what I call these mostly, because the viewpoint of others for selling my items at Craft Shows versus TradeShows. Also on Shark Tank Mr. Wonderful often downgrades and demeans others by telling them they don’t have a  business, they have a hobby or a craft. Be prepared for a variety of shows and call them what you will, just be warned your version of that and others might be two different things.

So there are the words I have for you today. As I said, I am sure I will add to these as I go along. Enjoy these terms. Just be warned and make sure any of those words you are unsure about it get clear definitions and means for what both of you might mean.