Don’t Be a Cold Turkey Friend

If my title intrigued you I hope you will stay to read the rest because this subject has been weighing on me for quite some time. I wasn’t even sure which blog to write it on since I have this blog that reaches a larger audience and my personal blog that is more of my close-knit friends, though it is open to the public.

Let backtrack a bit for those who don’t know my recent journey.

In recent years I have had cancer, not once, but twice. When I first found out I had cancer, most of my friends and some of my family rallied around me to be supportive. I went into remission for a year and then sadly my cancer came back with a vengeance. The second time it came around, I was more involved in Toastmasters and more friends rallied around, more family rallied and more letters and support showed. This time we figured out how to video chat, how to be a better support to me and help me with my needs.

Both times, once I was well, friends went dark, the family fell off the face of the earth and I was left in the dark cold turkey.

I am a strong, resilient person and I know I should take it as a compliment that people feel like once I am well that I can handle things on my own.

The thing is, what they don’t realize is how hard it is to move forward after you have had all that support to be left with no support.

  • No more video chats
  • No more calls
  • The letters slow down or come to halt
  • The care packages stop
  • The check-ins to see how you are don’t happen
  • The soft way people talk to you stops
  • The compassion seems to have left the building

Even the strongest person has a hard time recovering after a trauma like cancer and when all the compassionate caring stops, it is like going through withdrawals.

If you have followed my blog for a while or you know me, you know I am going to be upfront and honest about how I feel.

Vulnerable and all.

I feel like I am having to quit “attention” from others’ care and love, cold turkey.

Since last fall when I was told I was cancer-free and the tests were good, I have been severely depressed and struggling.

Imagine a person suffering from an addiction to a drug and then they are removed from it cold turkey with nothing.

My drug, however, was compassion from others. That compassion was a swarming form of attention and to be honest, not having it, is hard. I miss it.

Deep down in my heart, I know my friends care and love me. The “addict” per se in me, however, is saying, I don’t matter anymore and I only mattered when it was life-threatening. I know in reality that it is just negative self-talk and untrue.

I am talking to my therapist to refill that void with other things again.

  • Doing service for others
  • Doing good for others
  • Remembering my purpose and meaning in this life and fulfilling that purpose
  • Getting back involved in Toastmasters
  • Developing a workout routine
  • Going for walks on a regular basis
  • Meeting with friends or calling friends
  • Reaching out to family
  • Scheduling more travel and road trips
  • Finding retreats or getaways I might be interested in

While I know it’s on me to lift myself out of this depression and being who I am, I will.

I wanted to write this for those of you who might be currently supporting or befriending someone who is going through Cancer or any other severe illness right now or who might have a friend who just went into remission.

If things are still looking grim you are probably still there for them, helping them out, being support and I am sure they are thankful for that and I am thankful to you for being there for me and thankful to my friends who were there for me.

If you want to know how to best support your friends while they are going from “I had cancer or this life-threatening illness” to “I survived and I am going to make it”…

Here are some key ways to support them AFTER they are well so you don’t put them into a state of Cold Turkey shock like I am going through:

  • Text them every now and then to let them know you still care and are happy they are well
  • Send them a card that shows that little bit of extra effort that you cared enough to write something and put a stamp on it.
  • Call them if you can. If you were able to make the time before, try to make the time again, even if it’s not as much.
  • Schedule a visit with them or an outing together. They are finally well and able to get out of the house. Go have fun with them

Remember that even though they are well, they might still be scared about their illness returning and still need your friendship. Also, the people you may think are the strongest are probably the ones who are not ones to burden others with their problems, so they won’t tell you when they need you, or are sad or are depressed.

Robin Williams surprised the nation by taking his life.

Kate Spade’s father said he spoke to her earlier in the day and she was planning a trip.

You just never know.

Don’t stop showing your friends you care, especially those who have gone through some pretty major things in their life, like trauma or illness.

Those are the ones who really need you the most.

When you go cold-turkey on them, it is like quitting the hardest drug they ever had to quit because whether you realize or not, your friendship means more to them than you could possibly imagine.

You don’t have to be there 100%, just don’t go from 100% to 0% in a day.

~XoXo Trisha Trixie

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Crusader for Humanity

April Love 07 Dear Rest

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Dear Rest,

At times you elude me. Most of the time you elude me in fact.

There is no rest for the weary…

But Rest is more than Sleep.

Rest is being content

Rest is allowing yourself to have a break, to take a load off.

Rest is putting your mind, body and soul at ease through meditation.

Rest is a music note, asking to take a break.

Rest is a time for refreshment.

Rest is to stop movement.

Rest is to cease working.

Rest allows you time to recover your strength.

Rest means ceasing to engage in strenuous or stressful activity.

Rest is also an object that is used to support something.

Rest is but a small word, yet means so many amazing things.

 

rest1
rest/
verb
verb: rest; 3rd person present: rests; past tense: rested; past participle: rested; gerund or present participle: resting
  1. 1.
    cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.
    “he needed to rest after the feverish activity”
    synonyms: relax, take a rest, ease up/off, let up, slow down, have/take a break,unbend, unwind, recharge one’s batteries, be at leisure, take it easy,put one’s feet up; More

    • allow to be inactive in order to regain strength, health, or energy.
      “her friend read to her while she rested her eyes”
    • leave (a player) out of a team temporarily.
      “both men were rested for the final game”
    • (of a dead person or body) lie buried.
      “the king’s body rested in his tomb”
    • (of a problem or subject) be left without further investigation, discussion, or treatment.
      “the council has urged the planning committee not to allow the matter to rest”
    • allow (land) to lie fallow.
      “the field should be grazed or rested”
    • LAWNORTH AMERICAN
      conclude the case for the prosecution or the defense in a law case.
      “the prosecution rests”
  2. 2.
    be placed or supported so as to stay in a specified position.
    “her elbow was resting on the arm of the sofa”
    synonyms: lie, be laid, repose, be placed, be positioned, be supported by

    “his hands rested on the rail”
    • place (something) so that it is supported in a specified position.
      “he rested a hand on her shoulder”
      synonyms: support, prop (up), lean, lay, set, stand, position, place, put

      “she rested her basket on the ground”
    • (of a look) alight or be steadily directed on.
      “his eyes rested briefly on the boy”
    • be based on or grounded in; depend on.
      “the country’s security rested on its alliances”
      synonyms: be based on, depend on, be dependent on, rely on, hinge on, turn on, be contingent on, revolve around, center on

      “the film script rests on an improbable premise”
    • place hope, trust, or confidence on or in.
      “she rested her hopes in her attorney”
    • belong or be located at a specified place or with a specified person.
      “ultimate control rested with the founders”
noun
noun: rest; plural noun: rests; suffix: -rest; suffix: -rests
  1. 1.
    an instance or period of relaxing or ceasing to engage in strenuous or stressful activity.
    “you look as though you need a rest”
    • a motionless state.
      “the car accelerates rapidly from rest”
      synonyms: a standstill, a halt, a stop

      “passengers queried why the train had come to rest several miles before the next station”
    • MUSIC
      an interval of silence of a specified duration.
    • MUSIC
      the sign denoting a rest.
    • a pause in speech or verse.
  2. 2.
    an object that is used to support something.
    “a chin-rest”
    synonyms: stand, base, holder, support, rack, frame, shelf

    “she took the poker from its rest”
    • a support or hook for a telephone receiver when not in use.
    • a support for a cue in billiards or pool.
Origin
Old English ræst, rest (noun), ræstan, restan (verb), of Germanic origin, from a root meaning ‘league’ or ‘mile’ (referring to a distance after which one rests).
rest2
rest/
noun
noun: rest
  1. 1.
    the remaining part of something.
    “what do you want to do for the rest of your life?”
    • the remaining people or things; the others.
      plural noun: rest
      the rest of us were experienced skiers”
      synonyms: remainder, residue, balance, remaining part/number/quantity, others,those left, remains, remnant(s), surplus, excess;

      technicalresiduum
      “the rest of the board members are appointees”
verb
verb: rest; 3rd person present: rests; past tense: rested; past participle: rested; gerund or present participle: resting
  1. 1.
    remain or be left in a specified condition.
    “you can rest assured she will do everything she can to help her”
    synonyms: remain, continue to be, stay, keep, carry on being

    “you may rest assured that he is there”
Origin
late Middle English: from Old French reste (noun), rester (verb), from Latin restare‘remain,’ from re- ‘back’ + stare ‘to stand.’

So rest on my friends.

Allow time in your day to rest.

Schedule it if you have to.

Your soul depends on those moments of rest to be the strong, beautiful, powerful you that you are.

 

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Take time for rest. To at lest close your eyes for a moment, Breathe deeply and re center yourself as many times as needed throughout the day!

Until Next Time, Namaste,

XoXo TrishaTrixie