“Codependents are ‘addicted,’ not to a destructive substance, but to a destructive pattern of relating to other people.”
Far too often I meet, see and find people who are living their life win bondage without even knowing it. They are oblivious to the negativity they encounter everyday. They always think everything is their fault. They wonder why drama and chaos keeps happening around them. I resonate with them so well, because until 2011, that was my life. I was always concerned with making others happy. I didn’t understand why negative things kept happening to me and around me. Others would say it was my fault and I never thought to challenge them.
Until one day, I did.
From that moment forward my life changed. My mission in my business is to truly help others to overcome. Overcome the heartaches. Overcome loss. Overcome negative self talk.
Today I want to talk to you about Co-Dependency. If you are unsure if you are a Co-Dependent, scroll down towards the bottom of this post and check off the answers on the poll that resonate with you or you feel are like you.
If you already KNOW you are co-dependent, read on…
Take the test below if you want to see if you or someone you know is codependent
- Do an “Ideal Relationship Exercise”. Take out two sheets of paper. Meditate, pray or sit quietly and really think about what your perfect or ideal relationship would be. One the first sheet, write down all the things that you want out of a perfect relationship. Or ask yourself “If I could have the relationship I really wanted, what would it be like, look like, etc?” Then write down what you think of. Don’t stop at 10 or 20 or 100, just make a list and type or write it down. Now, when you have exhausted all the things you want out of a perfect relationship, write down what your current relationship looks like. Write down all the positive and the negative. Now, look at the current list. What are the negative things? Do they outweigh the bad? Are they deal breakers on their own? If not or you aren’t sure, take your list and put it next to the Ideal list. Do they match up? If not, or if the cons of your current relationship outweigh the bad, you may need to end it.
- Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your self-worth. You don’t need to prove anything to another person about your worth. You are who you are. Those who really love you will love you for who you are and not try to mold you or change you.
- Notice your negative self-judgments. Be kind and compassionate toward yourself. What negative self talk are you telling yourself? Recognize these thoughts and shoo them away by acknowledging that they are untruths. Write down, tell yourself, whatever you need to solidify the real you. Who are you? What do you deserve? What talents do you have? What traits do you have? If you are one who always comes back to a compliment with a negative comment, stop that bad habit now. What kind things are people always saying about you? Take compliments well and say thank you.
- Tell yourself on a regular basis that it’s ok to ask and accept help from others. Allowing others to help you is a sign of strength not weakness. Ask your friends if you need help with something. Reach out to someone or a therapist who can help you through this process. Search online for resources and tools that might help you.
- You deserve a loving, mature, honest and real relationship. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. You know what you are willing to accept. You already know the answer (which is why you might be on my blog, hint hint) to the questions that you seek. The answer is directly in front of you.
Answer these questions on Co-Dependency. (You may or may not have all of these. Go thru the list and see how many you have.)
**If you checked more than 5, the answer is yes. If you checked ALL of them, I would suggest finding a therapist in your area and finding a resource who can truly help you deal with these issues. If you are a resourceful, self driven person, and don’t need a therapist or are not a fan of therapy, consider and Intuitive Counselor or other similar resources. There are also many resources and help aids online. Google “Co-Dependency” for ideas, courses, etc.**
Trisha Trixie is a Life Designer (Life coach) helping others to Design the Life they Desire by overcoming the issues standing in their way. Though acknowledgement and acceptance, she harness the Law of Attraction Principle help others manifest the miracles they desire in their lives. She currently lives in Centennial, Co with her newlywed Spouse(HunEPants) and her three cats, Mr. Booties, My. Dude and Miss Ivy.