5 Steps to Regaining your POWER by Saying NO: Guest Author Nancy Gaines

Want to be Even More Productive? Start by Saying No!

Power of Saying No

Ever feel forced to say Yes to a friend or boss but later feel stressed out and full of regret? Do you say Yes to be nice, help out, or just be a good team player even though your plate is full (or you simply don’t want to do something)? There’s an easy solution to saying No and regaining your POWER. Use these five simple steps to saying no without feeling guilty.

  1. Plan Ahead (P) – anticipate who is going to make a request and prepare your answer ahead of time so you are not caught off guard (and end up saying Yes by default). The request might be watching someone’s pet, preparing a report at the last minute, or accepting a party invitation where you don’t really enjoy the other attendees. When you are prepared for the request, it gives you confidence to say No so you don’t waffle with a loss of words and get talked into something you just don’t want to do.

  1. Offer Alternate Solutions (O) – while not required, it is helpful to offer another choice when you can’t help someone. Simply saying you aren’t available but sharing 1-2 names of other people who may be makes you look helpful and considerate. It also may help squash any guilt you may feel by not saying Yes.Alternatives

 

  1. Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty (W) – we are each responsible for our own time and happiness. When we let other people drive our decisions, it fuels regret and unhappiness which is not productive. No good comes from giving up our power to other people and it can even lead to illness. You have every right to say Yes or No to any request – it’s totally your decision.

No Guilt

  1. Explanation Not Needed (E) – while we often feel we need to explain why we say No, it’s really not required. Often we give an explanation so we don’t feel bad or we want the other person to accept our reasoning. If you just say No without the excuse or justification, it can even make the other person even more curious about why you said No. While that make feel awkward at first, it will pass with time. Just say No and stop talking.

No Explanation

Rehearse No with Little Things (R) – if you say Yes more often than you want, it may take some time to get used to saying No before it feels natural. To get practice, start by saying No to little things. When someone offers you a stick of gum or a mint, say No. When the waiter tries to refill your water, say No. When co-workers suggest a restaurant for lunch that you really don’t enjoy, say No. After a while, saying No will feel more natural.

The POWER system provides simple, but effective techniques to increase your productivity. Many people associate productivity with time management – but it’s so much more. It’s doing the right things with your organization, resources, and mindset to get where you want to go even faster. If you loved these 5 tips, I invite you to visit my blog and podcasts to learn even more productivity ideas to rock your life and business.

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Nancy Gaines is the CEO and Founder of Gain Advantages, Inc., a company which serves individuals and corporations to accelerate impact and performance. This is accomplished through solutions, education, and knowledge-based proven systems that enable high achievement and results.

In addition to speaker, training, and consulting, she has created three successful companies of her own and spent almost two decades consulting to Fortune 500 companies like Shell Oil, Clorox, Office Max, and IBM. Nancy has shared the stage with Greg Reid, David Corbin, Karen Leland, and Blair Singer. She is a best-selling author who was recently featured in All You Magazine, Trulia, Roomi, and CafeMom.com.

If you have a situation with your business where you want to do something differently, how long do you want it to take? Do you want change over 6 months, a year, a month? Nancy and her team work with people who are stuck in their business and they don’t have the time or patience to let things unfold with a traditional business coach. Most business owners want change right now. Try SPEED CONSULTING and accelerate your business in 1 Day. Get started now at www.NancyGaines.com or call 800-360-8694.

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Thank you to Nancy Gaines for sharing with us her knowledge. I have been wanting to someone to write this style post for some times now. If you are interested in being a Guest Blogger on my site, please email me your topic (or the completed article 250 words or more, 3-5 images and a bio) I look forward to hearing from you.

Xoxo,

Trisha Trixie

Beliefs

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What Being Real Really Means: 10 Steps to Reality

I had a friend tell me today that I am more real in Colorado. As a person who always talks about being real and authentic I had to really think about it. I did admit that when I lived in Iowa, I didn’t feel I could be 100% me. In all honesty, I don’t think anyone is 100% real. Present company included. I will say that in Iowa I was a diluted version of myself…ostentatious enough to get noticed…learned through the years what not to say

What being real means to me:

  • Be Transparent: Being real means being transparent. People are human. Peaople are real. Things happen. Hiding the truth of what is going on in your life or business doesn’t help you it hurts you.
  • Be Extraordinary: Normal  is a setting on a washing machine. Stop trying to be like everyone else and just be yourself. I know, it’s scary as hell. I actually used to be an introvert. Yes, me…shy!! Do you know it is so hard to believe? Because I stopped worrying about others and little by little let myself show!
  • Live your Passion: I hear all day, all the time “I hate my job. I wish I could quit. I wish I could what I love.” You can. Even if you have to do it part time at first, start doing it. I am more of a risk taker, though I know not everyone does or can think that way. Live you passion and your passion will love you.
  • Doing What You Love : What can you do for clients in person? What can you offer online? What can you offer to those who are remote? People often laugh because they say I always have my hand in multiple things. Well, at least one of them isnt trouble. I have my fashion business which feeds my right brain and lets out my fashion needs. I have my mindfulness business, which allows me to help others design the life they desire with tools from the Law of Attraction. I have my modeling business, which is more of a hobby but sometimes I get paid for it. As well as other various things I make and sell or do. Regardless, I always have multiple ways to bring in money, no matter what the time of year or market is.
  • Ask for help: Did you know that every time you fail to ask others for help you are denying the opportunity to serve? Stop being so prideful that you don’t ask. Get over yourself. Find someone, at least one person, you feel you would be ok asking. Then ask others.
  • Be organic:  Be you. Truly You. Not the glossed over, pesticide protected versions of yourself. Being organic means taking the time to do things, yourself. Though I use automation in a lot of what I do, I still devote a portion of my night and morning to posting on Twitter, GPlus, and other social media sites. Not to mention the blogs I write on. I write. Not a bot or a tool, but me. I love to write and blogging has been a fabulous outlet for me, as well as my businesses.
  • Choose to be you:  Who are you? Are you a rockstar? Are you a geek? Are you a comic nerd? Are you an artist? Are you all of them? Share who you are and I promise you, others like you will start flocking in your direction!
  • Give back:  How do you help another? What do you do to give back? To your community? School? Kids? Parents? Yourself? If all you are doing is work, work, work or play, play, play neither bodes well with  universe. To have more, you need to be grateful for what you have. To have others give to you, you need to give somewhere too. For me, the homeless touches my heart because I was homeless. Lived in my car, peed in a supermarket restroom, bathed out of a sink, kind of homeless. We lost our job and my food storage lasted awhile but eventually it gave out too. I have other area I give back as well, but all of them mean something to me. In addition to good feelings, you are helping another by your acts of service.
  • Be beautiful on the inside and outside:  There is nothing more ugly than a beautiful person, who is ugly on the inside. Nourish your soul. Be kind. Treat other fairly. Turn the other cheek. Love equally. Be tenderhearted. Think of other feelings. Read, learn, grow and do anything that will nourish your soul to be lovely.
  • Be grateful:  You never get more of what you want if you aren’t grateful for what you have. Have a gratitude practice, no matter what form-online, in a book, in a journal, outloud, whatever! Be thankful!

These of course, are all my opinions, my thoughts on the subject. I am sure will find many others in many other places. I leave you with my favorite thought from the Velveteen Rabbit:

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that 
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to 
play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked,or bit by bit?' 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. 

It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who 
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. 
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. 
But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't 
be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

REAL

5 Steps to Overcoming Co-Dependency & Stop Living Your Life in Bondage

 

“Codependents are ‘addicted,’ not to a destructive substance, but to a destructive pattern of relating to other people.”

Far too often I meet, see and find people who are living their life win bondage without even knowing it. They are oblivious to the negativity they encounter everyday. They always think everything is their fault. They wonder why drama and chaos keeps happening around them. I resonate with them so well, because until 2011, that was my life. I was always concerned with making others happy. I didn’t understand why negative things kept happening to me and around me. Others would say it was my fault and I never thought to challenge them.

Until one day, I did.

From that moment forward my life changed. My mission in my business is to truly help others to overcome. Overcome the heartaches. Overcome loss. Overcome negative self talk.

Today I want to talk to you about Co-Dependency. If you are unsure if you are a Co-Dependent, scroll down towards the bottom of this post and check off the answers on the poll that resonate with you or you feel are like you.

If you already KNOW you are co-dependent, read on…

Take the test below if you want to see if you or someone you know is codependent

  1. Do an “Ideal Relationship Exercise”.  Take out two sheets of paper. Meditate, pray or sit quietly and really think about what your perfect or ideal relationship would be. One the first sheet, write down all the things that you want out of a perfect relationship. Or ask yourself “If I could have the relationship I really wanted, what would it be like, look like, etc?”  Then write down what you think of. Don’t stop at 10 or 20 or 100, just make a list and type or write it down. Now, when you have exhausted all the things you want out of a perfect relationship, write down what your current relationship looks like. Write down all the positive and the negative. Now, look at the current list. What are the negative things? Do they outweigh the bad? Are they deal breakers on their own? If not or you aren’t sure, take your list and put it next to the Ideal list. Do they match up? If not, or if the cons of your current relationship outweigh the bad, you may need to end it.
  2. Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your self-worth. You don’t need to prove anything to another person about your worth. You are who you are. Those who really love you will love you for who you are and not try to mold you or change you.
  3. Notice your negative self-judgments. Be kind and compassionate toward yourself. What negative self talk are you telling yourself? Recognize these thoughts and shoo them away by acknowledging that they are untruths. Write down, tell yourself, whatever you need to solidify the real you. Who are you? What do you deserve? What talents do you have? What traits do you have? If you are one who always comes back to a compliment with a negative comment, stop that bad habit now. What kind things are people always saying about you? Take compliments well and say thank you.
  4. Tell yourself on a regular basis that it’s ok to ask and accept help from others. Allowing others to help you is a sign of strength not weakness. Ask your friends if you need help with something. Reach out to someone or a therapist who can help you through this process. Search online for resources and tools that might help you.
  5. You deserve a loving, mature, honest and real relationship. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. You know what you are willing to accept. You already know the answer (which is why you might be on my blog, hint hint) to the questions that you seek. The answer is directly in front of you.

Answer these questions on Co-Dependency. (You may or may not have all of these. Go thru the list and see how many you have.)

**If you checked more than 5, the answer is yes. If you checked ALL of them, I would suggest finding a therapist in your area and finding a resource who can truly help you deal with these issues. If you are a resourceful, self driven person, and don’t need a therapist or are not a fan of therapy, consider and Intuitive Counselor or other similar resources. There are also many resources and help aids online. Google “Co-Dependency” for ideas, courses, etc.**

XoXo,

Trisha Trixie

Posterchild Trisha Trixie is a Life Designer (Life coach) helping 
others to Design the Life they Desire by overcoming the issues standing in their way. Though acknowledgement and acceptance, she harness the Law of Attraction Principle help others manifest the miracles they desire in their lives. She currently lives in Centennial, Co with her 
newlywed Spouse(HunEPants) and her three cats, Mr. Booties, My. Dude and Miss Ivy.